This is the official blog of ex-Sgt Ellie Bloggs. I was a real live police constable then sergeant for twelve years, on the real live front line of England. I'm now a real live non-police person. All the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't (or didn't) pay my salary.


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Friday, June 01, 2007

CSI: Portugal

I am pleased to see that the Portuguese police have to jump through the same hoops as I do when it comes to submitting swabs for DNA testing. It appears their turnaround is somewhat slower than Blandmore's though, even when it comes to the most high profile abduction of the year. Perhaps the PC who submitted it put the wrong barcode on the bag, or forgot to write down the seal number. Quite possibly the exhibit was lost in the freezer or accidentally thrown out to make space. These are the obstacles faced by the Twenty-First Century Police Officer.

"CSI: Jamaica" have their own problems this week as they learn how to tell the difference between someone being strangled from behind by a mafia hitman, and someone who has just had a heart attack from eating too many sweets. As a result of the Mysterious Case of the Coach Who Died of Natural Causes, I have recommended to my Area Commander that we reopen some of Blandmore's old shootings, on the off-chance that we have routinely been mistaking embolisms for gunshot wounds.

Come on world, get your act together. You're starting to make the British police look halfway competent, and that would never do.

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Copyright of PC Bloggs.

7 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Silly sods, making us look half way decent - it shouldn't be allowed - it will take away the reason for our Blogs!

02 June, 2007 20:14

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If the worst comes to the worst, we can just blog about how inefficient and mind-bogglingly bureaucratic foreign forces are instead.

02 June, 2007 22:43

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Excellent post, witty and apposite.

03 June, 2007 07:53

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

WPC Clod - don't you ever get tired of using glove puppets?

06 June, 2007 22:55

 
Blogger Bitseach said...

Bloggsy, you seem to have you own pet troll. When did this happen?

Is there something we should know about your interviewing techniques (glove puppets?? I mean, "wha'?"). I could see this perhaps being appropriate for ABE interviews for abused children or just for your amusement on a "Q" night-shift but other than that, I hope the puppets are of a Blandshite Constabulary-approved pattern and not depicting anything other than bland and inoffensive images.

11 June, 2007 13:51

 
Blogger Bitseach said...

Er...oops that should have read BlandshiRe. Sorry.
[Lysdexic figners.]

11 June, 2007 13:53

 
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03 April, 2009 20:08

 

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