The Matrix

In every other job they are called Interviews. The police call them Boards.

The process of getting promoted took me two years.

I had to persuade my inspector to let me take the exam, which took a year.

I had to study and pass the exam: six months.

I had to fill out an application form covering more than five pages - a month.

Then there's "board prep", in other words more study, this time of vital policing matters such as the name of the Six Strands of Diversity and the acronyms denoting how to improve my own or someone else's performance. This filled another few months, and will never be used again in the course of my policing career.

The Board itself I can't tell you much about, because it's Secret. Not because there's anything untoward going on in there (I promise), but because apparently they use the same questions again and they don't want anyone to know them. In fact I am led to believe they use the same questions year after year, and everyone knows them anyway. But that doesn't mean that your carefully crafted answer will tick all the right boxes on the complex matrix in front of the board.

At the end of it all, a Fed Rep, an HR manager and a Superintendent decide your fate. Technically if you tick the correct parts of the matrix, you can't fail. In actual fact your overall appearance of competence will guide whether the board think you are suitable for promotion, and I can't help but think that guides whether or not they tick certain boxes. Which is, perhaps, how it should be.

Either way, I passed it.

And I didn't get a question regarding what I'd do if I found out a PC on my team was a secret internet blogger. Phew.

Update: Goodness me, thank you for all the unexpected support. My SMT didn't seem so thrilled. Which I suppose is why boards are held centrally in my force...

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'Diary of an On-Call Girl' is available in some bookstores and online.